Sweet Old Ladies and Saturdays
by JMolover13
Summary: Emma is having a horrible day. She goes to the diner for lunch, and her day gets... interesting, thanks to Regina and an old lady. Prompt filled on Tumblr.


**AN: Prompt asked over on Tumblr… ****Prompt: Enjoy your fics! (Before Swan Queen) Emma and Regina are bickering/arguing like a couple in public... again... and a sweet old senile lady comes up to them and asks them how long they've been married, lol (could use a laugh and some fluff)**

**I hope this did Anon justice…**

Emma walked into the diner. It had been a long day… and it was only lunch time… She sat at her usual table by the door with a sigh and leant her head back against the window. She heard a clink on the table and opened one eye to see Ruby putting a mug of hot cocoa, as always completed with cinnamon, in front of her.

"You looked like you could use this…" Was Ruby's only response.

"Hell yes." Emma said as she sat forward wrapping her fingers around the warm mug.

"You want your sad day usual?"

"Hell yes." Emma looked up from inhaling the sweet aroma of the warm beverage, "And keep these coming, please, Rubes."

Ruby nodded with a sympathetic smirk, "That bad of a day?"

"Hell yes. It's cold and wet... and I've been outside for most of it." She shivered a little before taking a sip of her cocoa.

The door chimed and a sweet looking older woman walked in with the aid of a walker…tennis balls and everything, "Hell Miss Norma." Ruby said with a big smile on her face as she greeted the old lady and walked her to the table closest to the door and across from Emma's, "How are you this afternoon?"

"Ehh? What did you say dear?" Norma asked, adjusting the equipment in her ear.

Ruby smiled as she helped Norma sit, "I said, 'How are you this afternoon?' Norma, you good?" She asked.

"Oh yes, Ruby dear, I think chicken noodle soup sounds good." Norma said with a smile, "How are you today?"

Ruby knelt down so she was right next to Norma, "I'm doing much better now that my best friend is here…" She said loudly with a smile.

Norma poked Ruby, like old women do, and smiled at her, "Oh, you…"

Ruby spoke again before standing, "I'm going to get your soup… You need to fix that hearing aid of yours if we're going to get through our afternoon gossip…" She winked at the older women then got up.

Emma smiled at just how particularly adorable this old woman was… and the fact that one of her best friends obviously adored her made her like her even more… so did the fact that the woman loved to gossip—that just made her chuckle.

She was debating actually walking over, introducing herself, and sitting down or keeping to herself when the devil Mayor herself walked in, "Son of a bitch." She whispered into her cocoa.

"What a pleasure to see you too Sherriff." Regina said with a faux smile as she sat down across from her.

"What can I do for you Madam Mayor?" Emma asked, restraining everything in her to keep from rolling her eyes.

"Sherriff, we've been over this. I can only repeat myself so many times…" Regina started.

"Madam Mayor, I will not leave the town. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've planted those roots you were so concerned it… And as much as you hate to admit it, I _am_ apart of Henry's life."

Regina only tsked and rolled her eyes while looking off to the side for a moment before turning back to Emma, "Not that… No, you've intruded too much and I've accepted that—"

"No you haven't."

"No I haven't, but whether you can tolerate it or not, you are a part of Henry's life now. There is no more running."

"You don't think I don't know that?"

"I don't know what goes on in that pretty blonde head of yours. I am only saying that if you do run, I will hunt you down and bring you back here myself if I have to."

Emma raised a perfectly plucked brow, "I'd like to see that."

"I bet you would." Regina mirrored her, brow and all. She immediately resituated herself and sobered to business as always, "Now, for the reasons I came here."

"Yes, Regina?" Emma smirked at the reaction to the Mayor hearing her first name.

Regina, a little flustered, wiped hair from her face and crossed her hands over each other. As she opened her mouth to speak, Ruby came back with a plate of chicken tenders and a heaping amount of fries for Emma, as well as a fresh garden salad with dressing on the side for Regina as well as water for the town's Mayor.

"Madam Mayor." Ruby greeted with a slight, sarcastic curtsy.

"Ruby." She looked down and inspected her salad before looking back up, "Thank you dear."

"You're welcome." She smiled and walked over to Norma, giving her, her soup.

Regina looked at Emma as she took the ketchup and effectively squirted a third of the container onto her plate. Her nostrils slightly flared as the blonde grabbed about seven thick fries, dipped them all halfway in the ketchup and stuffed them in her mouth.

"You were saying?" Emma asked around her masticating maw.

"Did anyone ever teach you manners?" Regina asked with a clearly disgusted fact as she unwrapped the napkin from her silverware and placed it in her lap.

"Ppsh!" Emma looked at her like she was crazy, "I grew up in the system… ain't no time for manners there. Most of the time it was a frenzy between all the foster brothers and sisters that if I wanted to be full I had to both eat fast and stuff my pockets."

Regina paused for a moment, allegedly mulling that response over, "Well you've been out of the system for at least ten years, you should have picked up… something."

Emma glared at the Mayor. Instead of responding, she changed the subject, "What do you want, Regina?"

"I want to come up with a new schedule for you and Henry. And I want you to _stick_ to it." Regina said sternly.

"Hey!" Emma leaned forward, "I always do what you ask of me because somewhere down there I can see that you really do want the best for him… but I will not sit here and let you tell me when I can and cannot see my son. I think we already got that figured out, don't we?"

"No. Obviously we don't, seeing as you haven't yet stuck to the schedule for an entire week."

"Then let me see him more!" Emma said as she dipped and stuffed half a chicken strip in her mouth.

Regina rolled her eyes and closed her eyes a moment before opening them, and blinking two, three more times, "That's… what I was coming to talk to you about… but I have conditions!" Regina put her hand up before Emma could really get excited.

"Alright." Emma nodded.

"You can eat with him any evening, but I have to be present for Monday through Thursday… and I will make those meals for him because I do not need him eating junk everyday because you're taking him here every night."

"Alright—"

"I am not finished, Sherriff." Regina gave her a pointed look.

Regina decided to bait the younger blonde woman. She could only withstand sexual tension for so long… and intense sexual tension had been between them for way too long. "Saturdays… I have business meetings every so often. You can be with him then, but you will stay inside my house. He is not allowed to go anywhere unless you ask for permission and we come to an agreement."

"On… Saturdays…" Emma looked like she was putting pieces together as she dropped the fries in her hand and wiped the crumbs off her fingers. She hated that she secretly crushed hard on the Mayor.

"Saturdays." Regina nodded.

"So, who will you be schtupping now? Dr. Whale? Sidney?" Emma raised an accusing, playful brow.

"Miss Swan—"

"Miss? Your porking someone again and you want me to be with our son while you do, and I'm the one being reduced in title?"

Regina avoided the actual topic at hand, "Sctupping? Porking?"

"Well, that's what you're doing… Right?" Emma looked at her as she leaned forward.

"I told you I have meetings…business to handle…"

"Yeah, you'll be handling business… You'll be at meetings in which you're getting a hot beef injection… You know, putting some beef in your taco…" Emma looked at Regina's appalled face, "Shaking the sheets, getting it on, bumpin' uglies… Sweeping the chimney, shucking the oyster, riding the bologna pony…"

"Miss Swan!"

"What? You will!" Emma was now just having fun, "You'll be knockin' boots, gettin' busy. In your meetings you'll really be getting down to business, dancing the horizontal tango… You'll be boning down, getting freaky, and I'll bet someone's gonna be tapping ass… You'll be boinking and banging, humping and grinding…" Emma was staring at Regina… as she was talking she was picturing it… only Regina was with no man… she was with her… she trailed off because she lost her breath.

"Are you quite finished?" Regina asked angrily.

Emma snapped out of it as she saw the fire in her eyes, "Yeah, I'm done." She gave the mayor a satisfied smirk. "So who is it?"

"What?"

"Who are you going to…" She made an 'o' with one hand and started thrusting two of her other fingers through it, instead of saying yet another word for sex.

Regina stared at her hand, "I am not—"

"Just like you weren't fucking Graham late at night in your house while our son was asleep just down the hall?"

Regina's brow perked a little, "How did you—?"

"I'm not just a rockin' bod, and a pretty face. I caught him coming out of your window." Emma almost growled it out.

"My, my Sherriff… If I didn't know better, I'd say you wish that was part of the Sherriff's job description…" She gave a half smirk.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted it too."

The two women had become so enveloped in each other that they didn't realize just how close they had gotten to each other… their plates were pushed out of the way. Their hands were touching as they both leaned over so that they were just mere inches apart.

At this moment, Norma's voice was heard from her table, "Ruby!" She almost yelled, "Just when did the Mayor become a lesbian?" Ruby's face lit up and her jaw dropped… she was still managing a smile and trying to keep from laughing at Norma's question.

"Norma!" Ruby laughed out.

"What? I only caught about every fifth word, but those girls are head over heals!"

Regina flushed bright red and Emma was just about the same shade. The dark haired mayor turned around and looked at Norma as the older woman got up and walked over to them, walker and all.

"Mrs. Winston, I'm not—" Regina started but was cut off by the old lady.

"Mayor, it's okay… All of the town will still vote for you… Nobody will run it as efficiently as you… Besides no one wants the job, anyways." She looked over to Emma and back to her, "You and your uh… Your wife are just like Gus and me back in the day. Young and in love… but the take charge kind of person. Oh no one thought we would make it, but we showed them…" She said as she placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder, "Just as you'll show us." She leaned over to Emma, "Right?"

For some reason, Emma felt encouraged and empowered by this old lady's speech that she couldn't help what came from her mouth, "Right!"

"Emma!" Regina seethed.

Emma ignored 'her wife,' "We will, Norma!" She nodded her head once in affirmation as the old lady smiled once more before leaving. Emma smiled and took Regina's hand, kissing it for effect as Norma looked at them once more. She waved at the old lady as the door shut and the bright yellow of the tennis balls became harder and harder to see.

Suddenly the hand in hers was yanked away, "What was that?" Regina asked angrily.

"Awe, come on! She's just a sweet old lady, what's wrong with humoring her?" Emma asked.

Regina gave her a glare, "Sherriff—!"

"Mayor!" Emma cut her off, then spoke with all the innuendo she could muster, "You need to learn to relax… I'd teach you myself, but you're booked on Saturdays…"

"I said there will be a few…" Regina's voice was low, "I don't really know if there will be any for sure. I was just saying… in case…"

"So… Saturdays are free then…" Emma asked. She knew Regina was reading her like a children's book at the moment. She knew Regina knew what she was asking.

"Wide open."

"Good. 'Cause I don't share relaxing techniques with just anyone…" She placed money on the table for the both of them and she leaned over, getting a little too close to Regina's face, "And I definitely don't share them with women who will just share them with men on different Saturdays than mine…" Regina only nodded, "I get every Saturday… Every Sunday… Hell, I get the whole damn week!" She calmed, "To… help you relax."

"Well, thank you for freeing up your own schedule… just to help me relax…" Regina breathed out.

Emma smirked, "You know… I've got a little time… I could give you your first lesson back in my office…"

Regina only smirked as she stood up, her body coming in contact with Emma's, "Lead the way…"


End file.
